Contempt for Women: Just another punching bag

I'm just going to ask it. Why are people hating on Nadya Suleman so much? I know, most will not recognize her name, so I am probably going to have to use the awful name the media has given her: the "Octomom." That is the only time I will use it, for I think it enables us to not view her as a human being but instead distance ourselves from her humanity and use her as a punching bag. She has a name, and it is Nadya Suleman.

No one tries to understand her motivation, her emotional or mental make-up, and certainly no one seems to focus on caring about the children who are now here.

I opened my Newsweek last week and was delighted to see someone trying to get to "the other side" regarding Nadya, but I kept wanting the writer to go further. The thing is, it's tricky, the current feeling is all hate for Nadya, so even though the article was a mild attempt to get at deeper complexities of the issue, the writer will still--no doubt--receive hate mail for being "too nice" to Nadya.

What's wrong with us? Why do we kick people when they are down? And more specifically, why do we love to just shit all over women?

Do I think it was wise of Nadya to have the first set of babies let alone the second? No, but I find myself focusing instead on a question like, "What was her doctor thinking?" Someone said "yes" to Nadya Suleman.  Someone cared more about money and/or ego than about this woman or her children's lives. 

Why do we have such disdain for Nadya, but we love Angelina Jolie with her mission to have her own oversized brood? Or why do we love the TLC show Jon and Kate Plus 8? Kate had eight babies and she has a television show (although there is a underbelly of contempt for her too since cameras have caught her being snippy with her husband on the show). There is an acceptance and even a legitimizing force in our media to have multiples, yet when someone who may have emotional/mental problems copies what she sees applauded in our culture, we jump on her like a lion that hasn't eaten all year. We don't just pounce and move on, we ravage the carcass even after there is nothing left to pick at.

People scream that they won't give her a penny, but it's not really she who needs those pennies. Her children do. You know, the ones we profess to care so much about. People shout that her kids should be taken from her, but splitting siblings from one another and from a mother who does love them is not really wise or compassionate. People scoff that her face has had too much plastic surgery and that she looks like Jolie, but our society force-feeds the idea to women that they have no value if they do not look a certain way. Again, my question goes to her cosmetic surgeon, "what were you thinking?"  Why don't we care more that there are butchers who sit and wait for their prey. And for any amount of money, they will carve every inch of us up.

Women have value in two ways in our society... as mother and as sex/beauty object. But we hate her for her extreme desire to meet both societal needs. We create the beast, but shun her when she does what we have created. It all seems so wrong to me. The situation makes me sad, not angry. Yet others have a visceral hatred. People don't just want her to wisen up, they want her dead. She has had death threats!

And now, with a porn producer offering her a million dollar movie deal, we see what this has all been about. We want to hate someone.  Porn offers are not what they once were. I remember when Dana Plato from Different Strokes was in Playboy. I understand (even if I detest it) that people had morbid curiosity about a female they saw in a pre-raunch television show--how might she look naked?  That is not what the latest offers to be in porn are about. People want to see Nadya in porn so they can scoff at her, so they can continue to feel superior to her, so they can show that "stupid bitch" what she is really worth.

Thankfully, she turned those offers down, or we would have been barraged by more zingy one- liners and interviews about what a whore she really has always been. It repulses me to think of people masturbating with and through contempt for Nadya, turning her from mother to her inevitable place as whore. But what's new? People have been "getting off" on her suffering in some form for months now. 

A Request for "Specifics"

One of my followers requested more specifics, less generalities about pornography's prevalence and influence I wrote about last time. 

Ask and you shall receive.

• Among all internet websites, 4.2 million of those (12%) are pornographic
• On a daily basis 25% or 68 million of all search engine requests are for porn
• Every month 1.5 billion pornographic videos are downloaded
• Average age a young man views his first hardcore pornographic act--11 years old
• US Revenue each year for pornography: $13 Billion (compared to only $9 Billion for mainstream Hollywood films)
• 89.8% of all scenes (250 top rentals/top purchases) contained scenes of verbal/physical aggression and violence
• 94.4 of the above acts were targeted at women

All the stats and facts above can be found in Miguel Picker and Chyung Sun's important documentary, The Price of Pleasure. View the documentary for free on the Media Education Foundation site. 

See the preview here.

The documentary is 56 minutes in length. Everyone has 56 minutes to learn what pornography really costs.

Apples Vs Oranges

I have a great bunch of students. They have been so receptive to the Raunch Culture theme in my composition classroom, and many have talked with me privately about learning a great deal and "changing the way they see pornography." But, even after all the headway and all the important conversations, some still don't get it. And, who can blame them. I don't think most people do get it.

We were discussing Pamela Paul's Pornified where she argues that "Those who defend pornographic images that denigrate women would be loath to defend Little Black Sambo books or Nazi artwork."

So, during our conversation, I had a student say that its "apples and oranges" to compare racist acts/words/images with sexist acts/words/images because one (racism) is meant to hurt a people and pornography is not.

Hmmmmmm....

Um, its no different.

Thankfully, we live in a society that deems racism inappropriate. We do not have cartoons or pictorials of lynchings and if they are out there, no one besides a bunch of Kluxers are defending them.

Again, a few students said, "well lynchings are about hurting blacks. They did not choose to be lynched." So, we come back to "women ask for it."

When people brought up how "articulate" Obama was during the primary season, many people were angry (as they should have been). How dare someone assume he would not be articulate. That is racist. Not that long ago, with the political cartoon that depicted the "washington elite" as a dumb monkey, many argued that the cartoonist was being racist, calling Obama an "ape." The issue was plaguing the airways for over a week. Countless talking heads pontificated about how "wrong it was" even though many could say the chimp stood for politicians in general.

The animosity over the blogger posting a picture of a White House with watermelons growing outside of it was fierce. Countless talk show hosts and comedians used their minutes to berate the "hatred" the blogger "must have held." People were astonished that the blogger could be so cruel, outdated, bigoted.

I am the first person to say there is no place for racism. But what appalls me is that nearly no one fusses when the contempt, loathing, and denigration is targeted at women.

I brought up another quote from Paul to my class. "Not only do pornographic images stretch the definition of 'speech' but, as disseminated in the marketplace, they have a similar demonstrable effect on women as a white person making a threatening and vulgar racial epithet toward a black man or woman, which courts have already ruled to be unprotected by the First Amendment."

So, I wish I had asked them this...

Why do we spend so much time and energy denouncing racially motivated "speech," but we do not spend one second decrying women being gagged, raped, and scoffed at? Watermelons on the White House lawn is not ok, but laughing at pornography and how cool it is to see Stacey crammed full of 3 different cocks at once... well, THAT is protected "speech?"

No. The reason one is protected by the first amendment and the other is not is that we are more sexist than we are racist. Most people grasp that the color of our skin does not dictate our value. We now understand that all humans are created equal; well, unless they have a vagina.

We live in a gendered constructed society. The more feminized woman, the more masculinized man.

We value that which is man, but not that which is female.

We allow pornography because we do not like women very much. We think it is ok to degrade and dehumanize them because "they let it happen." "They asked for it."

We think of all sorts of excuses to convince ourselves it is alright to use women like trash receptacles. To value them only as an object to "get off" on.

One student astutely said, "well, its all about money. People are not going to buy racist paraphernalia. Its all about capitalism."

He is right. Woman as commodity, making others a fortune.

Now that is rich... and proves my entire point.

Sorry it has been so long...

So... for those few who read me, I am sorry its been so long. I could complain for a paragraph here about why... but really.. its that often the task of writing about gender issues is either too painful or I am sick to death of thinking about it.

I am currently teaching "Our Raunch Culture" in my composition courses, and the theme,  has been a hit. Surprisingly, men have reacted favorably even more than the women. I have had so many guys say to me that they have totally re-thought their views on pornography and their role with it. There are no grand promises or "look at me, aren't I great" attitudes, but instead, I have had real, honest, complex conversations where men really seem to see the degradation to women, humanity--but just as importantly, to themselves--that porn causes. 

My gratitude is huge to such leaders in the anti-porn movement as Dr. Robert Jensen, Dr. Gail Dines, and Dr. Rebecca Whisnant for their powerful slideshow presentation: "Who Wants to be a Porn Star" and also Media Education Foundation's The Price of Pleasure documentary. Both harrowing visuals really moved students and reached them at a profound level.

Pamela Paul's Pornified has been invaluable at illustrating that porn is not really a "free speech" issue afterall. It is a relationship issue. Relationship with self, with others, with humanity.

The internet is vast, endless. The porn that occupies it saturates all corners. The only way out of the dark spot we find ourselves in is through an understanding of what we want for ourselves and others. We control what goes in and what comes out.

I'm tempted to say, "We Won," but that's not quite correct...

...I firmly believe that tonight, after years of painful division, America Finally Won.

Approaching The End

One last time...I have to say it...

This is the most important election of our lifetime...for all of us. We all have a stake in this.

In the past eight years, we have seen an explicit and unimaginably hurtful division of this country brought about by an unnecessary and disastrous "narrowing" of the Republican party (to borrow a very appropriate word used by Colin Powell). The middle class has been ignored and discriminated against. Only the wealthiest, most powerful Americans have been favored. Our economy is in its worst state since the 1930s. Our foreign policy has alienated us from the rest of the world. The damage done over the past eight years cannot easily be reversed.

We need a leader who understands how to guide this country out of this horrific state...not one who wants to continue down the same disastrous path.

Barack Obama is the right person to lead this country. It is just that simple.

I could continue on, trying to write something with rhetorical flourish, filled with powerful talking points, but I can't. I will level with all our readers...I am a wreck. My stomach is in knots. That's how important this is--to me, to the country.

I have fear. There is evidence that Republicans stole elections in the past. What if they do it again? Or what if the polls are off?

...Or, worse--what if this country just isn't ready for true, powerful change?

Lots of things to worry about. Lots of things to fear. But that's not what this election cycle has been about...not for Barack Obama and not for loyal Obama supporters like me.

This campaign has been exhausting. But it has also been amazingly powerful. A message of transformational hope and change swept over citizens in every corner of this country. It has been an amazing moment...and I hope this moment lasts for the next four years, and beyond.

And you...all of you who connect and communicate over this vast blogosphere, all of you who have discussed, jousted, and outright duked it out with me or K over this past 11 months...all of you who shared in the joy and the pain of this election...all of you faceless enigmas who we've never actually "met," but with whom we've become inextricably linked through this beautiful, agonizing experience....I cherish you all. Vigilante, that old curmudgeon, undeniably knowledgeable and unwaveringly confident in his own views...Mad Mike, the Big Dog, a kinder, gentler curmudgeon (if that's possible) whose dedication over the past several months has been unparalleled...Stella, ever the optimist, a true uniter amid a sea of dividers...The Wizard, always one to analyze issues from every angle (many times to a fault), even though he recently jumped off the Deep End...I even have to acknowledge Lee, who lives in the Deep End...and of course, Utah Savage, who started it all...

...you all hold a special place in my Blogging Heart.

To K: Our first election together! Let's hope the stars aligned for this one, just as they aligned to bring us together. I love you...I am so glad I have your hand to hold as we approach the end of this experience (and as we hopefully enter a New Era together).

So...I argued politics endlessly over the past year. Got in plenty of fights, but hopefully made as many friends as I have enemies. I'll be a nervous wreck for at least the next 24 hours, so in case I'm M.I.A. until the result is finally announced...much love to you all.

And one last time...

OBAMA '08!

A Very Sad Moment During a Very Hopeful Time

Just saw this one...with only one day left in this election...

Barack Obama's Grandmother has passed away.

I've read both Dreams from My Father and The Audacity of Hope. I know how imporant "Toot" was to this man. I will let the news story and, most importantly, the Obama statement, speak for themselves.

What a strange moment for this to happen. I will not even begin to turn this into a "what does this mean for the election" type of ridiculousness.

My only statement is this: I wish Barack Obama and his family comfort during this time.