What do I think of Sex and the City?

So, for any of you who have been at my husband's and my Cinema Squared site, you have read how much I love Sex and the City the television series and how much the movie let me down. Moreover, you read a cryptic one liner about the "issues" I have with Sex and the City as a whole. I told you... it was complicated.

Let me elaborate.

Before SATC aired in 1998, there was very little on television for women, about women. There was certainly nothing like it when it came to female friendships and female sexuality. On television and in movies, women were sex objects and the butt of sexual jokes and conquests, but rarely if ever did we get to see women discuss sex and make men their own sexual playthings. That all changed with SATC. Suddenly, we had 30 minutes every week devoted entirely to what these particular women were thinking, feeling, and wanting.

Now the complications... often what these women wanted was defined as what men wanted. Ariel Levy astutely points out in her book Female Chauvinist Pigs that Carrie, "usually 'couldn't help but wonder' what was going on in the head of the man she was seeing, and rarely evaluated her own happiness as such." She refers to one specific episode when Carrie says, "I actually catch myself posing... (around her love interest)... its so exhausting." Even though Levy is completely right here, that the women are too often defined or happy by what men think and want, I admire that the show illuminated what many women find themselves agonizing over. To be blunt, I realize it's bogus bullshit to define my worth through male gaze, but yet, Carrie's admission is honest. I, too, have exhausted myself "posing" and wondering what I look like in various forms and acts throughtout a day. I think SATC empowered women by allowing them to see the nonsense they perpetuate.

Another issue for Levy, and one I agree can be problematic--and it's far more problematic in the movie version--is the commodification of women and stuff in general. Sex and the City definitely affords women power through material goods. They acquire happiness and attention not through their thoughts and relationships sometimes as much as through shoes, labels, bags, etc. This is the conundrum that is current womanhood. The only access to power in our current culture is through sex object (either as sex barbie or as designer model) and in our zeal to assauge some sort of keys to the throne for ourselves, we have jumped in bed with our own worst enemy... the unachievable, perfect, materialistic Mattel doll.

Levy's point that SATC blurs the lines of what is male and what is female by assigning the females terms of maleness, especially Samantha who "fucks like a man,' complicates matters. To seize power, the women have to be seen more like a man, and even more problematic is that if we, women, use sex as a tool to access power, we ultimately lose power, for sex is precisely what perpetuates male authority and entitlement. The sex we use is at the hands of the men who make it a commodity. They ultimately decide if its "worth having."

For all the problems that I could analyze in SATC, ultimately I keep coming back to one, very important positive that allows it to remain one of my all time favorite shows. Its about women. Its about women who are not so perfect. Its about women who make mistakes, women who focus on the wrong things sometimes, and its about women who all too often mirror what they think men would want them to be... BUT and its a huge, but, ladies and gentlemen, these women are real and they try to come to terms with why they want what they want. They represent women out there who are good, honest, and deserve to have their voices heard. Sure, they make mistakes and they are not the most pioneering of feminists, but they give value and voice to distinct women who search for love and have real lasting, true friendships with other women. I, frankly, had and still have not since, seen a show which has been about and for women in this way.

So, that is my "complicated" response. Ultimately, I just want stories about women. The women do not have to be feminist cookie cut-outs (although that would be cool, too) ... I just want to see decent, honest, "real" women on screen, in my home and at the cinema.

For Father's Day...

First, before I post anymore  "downer" father-daughter poems, let me say that many fathers are absolutely wonderful. My step-father is a very good man. Interestingly and fortunately, there seems to be a trend in which more and more fathers are attentive, loving, and completely invested in their children's happiness. My ex- husband is a wonderful father. My current husband is a wonderful father. My children are lucky. Many children are not so lucky.

On a day when we honor fathers and everything becomes goodness and light; golf balls and BBQs, let me share more poetry which echo some other people's truths.

The Pact

She squirms

She cries out

No one hears

As he crams his anger into the vessel that has to listen

She rips

She bleeds

He is relieved

Tears plead

As the last seed is pumped 

Into his daughter's body

The pain once knotted in his chest gone--gone

He has forgotten the pact

The one from the beginning

The one where he swore to protect his little girl

*******************

Daddy's Girl

Her customer slides off his pants

Change dances in his pockets

As she reaches behind to unclasp her bra

Her cheeks no longer flush crimson

As her garments fall

Exposing young breasts

"So anything goes for $50, huh?"

"Anything"

Arms motion her to him

And he tugs off her underwear

Her father briefly looms before her

His lips, his tongue, his fingers, his hands

Wincing at his touch

She crams her eyes shut--blots him from thoughts

As she violently thrusts her hips to meet his

Grinding hips and tightening vaginal muscles

Will bring    it    closer

Familiar grunts emerge and signal    it

the beginning    of the end

Using her head for leverage 

His hands pull and tangle her hair

Faster, he jams and pounds

Crushing her chest

Tearing her pinkness

Finally he ends

But with the end, there  is beginning

And her father is always waiting

Waiting for his girl 

Triggering some old poems...

Stella, a bright, quick, wonderful woman with whom I am becoming fast friends, quoted Shirley Chisholm today on Utah Savage's blog: 

The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping of females begins when the doctor says, "It's a girl."

This quote reminded me of a poem I once wrote, and I wanted to share it with my new friend but also anyone else who might frequent the site.  

The Birth

The warm, comforting nest is forever lost

The baby is expelled

This innocence is smacked with life

What will she become?

What will her life hold?

The parents smile as they cradle their child

Perhaps they wear masks

Perhaps her gender is a disappointment

The mother secretly promises herself--

     next time I'll give him a son

As the father thinks of protecting his little angel

Why Women Can Be Superior to Men...

Not that very long ago, on a trip to a blogging friend Mad Mike's site, I spotted an interestingly silly, infuriating, but funny 'top ten' list: "Why Airplanes Can be Superior to Women." I told Mike that when "I get my new blog off the ground" that I would retaliate with a "Why Women Can be Superior to Men." So... I am now officially taking reader suggestions and will craft a list of reasons women are superior the moment I have enough winners.

I could start us off with one: Women are superior because they do not need pornography to get themselves off.

As good a time as any...

Hello, readers...

I was waiting to begin until I could find the right way to start, to find the right words, to light a fire under us. But while I waited, time kept marching past me. So, here I am, starting this blog, now is as good a time as any I suppose. 

I wanted to start this blog because I am sick of feeling alone with my feelings about sexism and gender constructions. There are a few people, and by few I mean one handful, of people who seem to "get" me. Others look at me like I am an alien or shit on the bottom of their shoe. It seems daily a read or see something which infuriates and makes me feel even more alone.

I have been quite down the last few months during this democratic primary season, watching as so called democrats did all they could to trash Hillary Clinton in favor of the golden boy, Obama. Endless nights, I scratched my head. I could not understand why on earth no one saw what was so seemingly obvious to me: Although a wonderful candidate with gobs of potential, a candidate I would love to see learn and get more experience and become our first African American President,  Barack Obama was no where near as qualified as Hillary Clinton. My bleeding liberal heart would love to see two African American girls playing on the White House Lawn, and same heart would love to strike a dagger into the racism that still exists in this country,  but not this year, not this time. 

It has angered, frustrated, and pained me to watch Hillary vilified and be the butt of sexist jokes and prejudices, yet at the same time, countless pundits, bloggers, entertainers all took it upon themselves to talk about how its worse for African Americans  and that they are the only ones victim of the 'glass ceiling." How sexist constructions and sexism could pollute a candidate's chances (remember the "she's cryingggg" when she never did?) and then everyone ignore the elephant in the room is beyond me. The only African American who has it worse than women, is African American women. This election proves it. No matter how racist our country still is, its constituents would rather be for a black man than the more experienced, more qualified female. Because as I have always argued, our society views man as better than woman, period. Of course, black men do have it harder than white men, but all men still enjoy luxuries women are not afforded.

Everything in our society boils down to gendered constructions. What is seen as masculine is valued and that which is seen as feminine is not.  Race, class, religion swill and shift these constructions, but nothing holds fast in dictating power as gender does.

For everyone who reads this entry, I am sure I will have a long way to go before I persuade any of you of anything because for some reason, gendered divisions seem to be the last fortress. Most of us admit to racism or a handful of other "isms," but sexism is one that people continue to roll their eyes at even a they continue to degrade and objectify women in so many forms which will be denoted in upcoming posts.

Sexism is one that most do not want to admit to or change. I am not entirely sure why, but I hope this blog and the voices who contribute to it help me (us) discover why, and more importantly, strive for a way to change it. Then, maybe the most qualified candidate will win, no matter his/her gender.