The "rant" below is for everyone, but dedicated to Wizard. It is from a response to Utah Savage's magnificient March 31st 2008 "Aging Barbie" post several months ago.
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Its a dangerous game we women play. We want in the "game" so badly... we want to have access to power and the only power we can really have is that constructed for us--power as desirable, beautiful, feminine objects.So, it is a conundrum for women. It is not simple. If you want to be able to have power, you become obsessed with "the ideal"... the ever elusive ideal. So, women are forced to chase their tail, never ever catching it.
We are set up to fail... so many billions made off of our obsession to attain access to power. Cosmetics, billions, Cosmetic surgeries, billions, shampoo/body wash, billions....And, if women are "lucky" enough to attain the "perfect image," she is also seen as a whore, as vain, as unintelligent, and she probably has starved to a point she has probably killed brain cells... so she may legitimately not be very smart.
Think of how much time women spend on "getting ready." Most women need 1-3 hours to "perfect" themselves. What do men spend? 10 minutes? How do they spend the 2+ hours we spend on frivolity? How much more educated, read, physically active, relaxed do they get to be in the time we spend trying to be presentable?Oh, who am I kidding, they spend the time whacking it to plastic barbies we can never be without a shitload of dinero and an eagerness to become porn stars. Self entitled men (which is most I would argue) feed off of our images and gain more power by degrading us.
So... if we actually attain the access to power... if we are able to starve, shave, cut, and design our face and bodies to be exactly what society wants, then we really only have a false sense of power because we have lost ourselves. And, its fleeting. Intelligence lasts a lifetime, youthful looks do not.What have we lost while we have prioritized beautifying ourselves? What have we lost out on? Who have we become? And worse, how have we fed the beast (culture) further?
For every woman who teeters on high heels, wears strappy dresses in dead of winter... for every woman who increases her breasts 4 sizes and saunters around with musk melons... for every woman who cares more about fashion than comfort... for every woman who posts pics or videos of herself as object... for every woman who designs (I say cuts) her vagina...for every woman who plies on a mask before exiting her home... you teach and shape what every other woman thinks she needs to be as well.
So... just say fuck it, right? Just be yourself and stop this hideous phenomenon, right? Wrong. Because if you do not play by the rules, you are absolutely nothing. No one sees you. No one hears you. And worst of all, in context of our society... no one fucking wants you.
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A post on legalizing prostitution will be forthcoming. Look for it and thank, Wizard for prompting me!
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5 comments:
Dedicated to me? WOW! Thank you.
That is one powerful rant!! And I cannot disagree with one single word.
But we are still left with the quandry.... where to now? Your rant seems like you believe that there is no way out.... no solution. Do you really feel that way?
"So... just say fuck it, right? Just be yourself and stop this hideous phenomenon, right? Wrong. Because if you do not play by the rules, you are absolutely nothing. No one sees you. No one hears you. And worst of all, in context of our society... no one fucking wants you."
And yet...... and yet... I know women who are in control. I've worked along side them (or worked for them) for much of my career. Powerful people and not the power of rank or position, but the power that comes from within, confident and in control.
I need to give this more thought.
Yeah, I know. Sometimes I wish I was some brain dead zombie soccer mom. Seriously. I have all this shit in my head and sometimes I feel like there is NO answer. So why bother caring? Yet, I can't stop.
Literally, I think on this stuff daily (wish I was exaggerating).
All I can do is hope that someone says.. hey, she's right... I am not wearing those stupid heels anymore... or thong... or get that surgery...
But I do not delude myself in believing I convince anyone of anything.
One day, I hope to make huge movies with my husband and reach a large audience and maybe influence a bit there...
Sigh... until then, I live everyday wanting to be as thin and sexy as possible yet hating that I would wish that for a second. Its all so stupid.
The woman in the picture, K, IS beautiful. And highly intelligent. And a great writer. And... well, a whole lot of great attributes.
Intelligent women clearly suffer that double-edged sword. Why aren't large women beautiful? Well, hell, they are. I think Bea Arthur, Queen Latifa, and Kathy Bates are beautiful, strong, and talented. Ann Wilson's (Heart) voice is so much better now that she looks like a real woman. Clearly, our culture promotes misogyny in the form of anorexia.
As I've aged, I find I care less and less about all this nonsense. You are right: women play dangerous games. I knew a woman so consumed with looking "perfect" for her husband that she would make sure to get up before him so she could put on make up before he woke up. That, to me, is a woman dishonest with herself and is totally duped.
I'm just cantankerous and on the busty side. It's been a huge pain in the ass because I can't find good swimsuits and spend hours bra shopping (a modern-day chastity belt in my case...) So, anyone that wants a boob job is a mystery to me. But, let 'em enjoy their shoulder depressions from bras, back aches, and increased risk of breast cancer.
K, I'm going to put it out there for the entire blogosphere to see. You know what pisses me off? Men who talk to my boobs. All my life (until now), I've been faceless. And, of course, in our society, large-breasted women are considered stupid. So, you might chuckle when I tell you that I don't ignore men that talk to my boobs. I relish telling them, "Hey! My face is up here!" I they don't get it, I raise my voice: "Hell, you can't look me in the eye when I'm speaking? Am I just a pair of breasts or a human being?"
Such behavior drove me to overcome my handicap by accumulating as much knowledge as I could: discovering, of course, that the more I learn the less I know. :L)
Simply put: Thin≠Sexy.
I like going into shops that cater to skinny women, look around, and wait for the obligatory "Can I help you?" (Not MAY I help you...) I respond, "Oh, I'm sorry. You don't have any clothes for real women." And I hold my head up and walk out.
I love Wizard's comment Powerful people and not the power of rank or position, but the power that comes from within, confident and in control. Might I add it doesn't come from being thin either. When one buys into what society forces upon women, our power diminishes.
K, I could go on and on. Guess I did, but here's my question. Would you rather be brilliant like Penny Marshall or a bimbette like [fill in noxious model/actress name]?
Stella,
Thank you for your brilliant words. I wish I could focus only on that side of me that knows how restrictive and imprisoning this ideal female image is.
I have heard from countless friends and acquaintences who are older than me... some in their 50s that something just changes as they get older. That they just don't give a shit anymore about looks or their body.
I cannot wait to get there.
It is sometimes downright horrid to be me. I so totally get everything you said and I agree with you; however, I am still obsessed with an image I cannot seem to attain.
I hate to admit it. I am ashamed of it. But, it seems as if it is the one thing I cannot have and with it I could feel free. ITs as if society has something over me. "It" can dismiss me since I do not hold the keys... the keys they created.
I get it. Its horrible. But, I often do not know what I would pick between brains and the "perfect" image.
Me, I am honest. To a fault. And it makes me look rather dumb.You are probably rather dissappointed in me and I would not at all blame you.
But believe me... I am not dumb. I constantly fight with myself between what I know I should care about and what I cannot seem to stop caring about.
I'm so sorry, K. Admittedly, I've hit the 50 mark. It's glorious! Ya just don't give damn. Shame and worry are a waste of time. It's true, it's true. I don't give a damn anymore. And, actually, it starts around 40.
I never imagined you as stupid. I'm also honest to a fault, but you probably figured that out :) How on earth could I be disappointed in you? You are clearly on the path of learning and growing.
Dumb? Oh, no way. I see a strong, intelligent woman who will grow with the years. If you stop by, you'll see that my blogmate and I are on a pro-choice rant. I'd welcome your comments.
It takes time to believe in yourself. The body dysmorphia is a completely common affliction for women: a disease that needs a cure. No intelligent woman, like you, should be made to feel like she isn't wonderful just the way she is.
{{HUGS}} to you and J. Do joyful things for yourself. I'm so sorry you feel this way. None of its true.
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