Am reading Pornified by Pamela Paul, and I am struck by how often what I am reading echoes what I have lamented for so long.
I also am so tired of not finding the time to write on this blog that I have determined that I am not going to wait around for the "perfect" thing to say. I tend to stew over items and then get overwhelmed by how much there is to say, especially on gender constructions and items which fall under that such as Pornography. So, instead, I am going to write one or a few things that trouble or move me and then if it gets me going, fine. If that's all there is, well, that's all there is, folks!
So, the latest thing in Paul's Pornified that made me nod and nod until I felt like I had some disease is the concept of how often times porn is not just an assist to masturbation. Rather, it is a way for men to validate and dominate. If anything goes wrong in their real world, they can save face by reverting to a fantasy world where every woman will bow and suck them off. Ah, finally, I AM better than somebody else. A Pornified world is one in which any man can get any woman and she will love every fucking (no pun intended) minute of it. Men love such a world because its easy, because it releases the frustration from all the women who do spurn/reject them, and it validates them as men. What is almost sad is that they have no idea the destruction they do to themselves let alone women.
Here is an astute quote from Ms. Paul, "The women in pornography exist in order to please men, and are therefore willing to do anything. They will dominate or act submissive. They can play dumb or talk back, moan quietly or scream, cry in anger or in pleasure. They will accommodate whatever a man wants them to do, be it anal sex, double penetration, or multiple orgasms. The porn star is always responsive; she would never complain about a man being late or taking too long to come. Her hair never gers trapped under his elbow or her thighs never tire. She's easily aroused, naturally and consistently orgasmic, and malleable. She is what he wants her to be. She's a cheerleader, a nurse, a dominatrix, a nymphomaniac, a virgin, a teenager, your best friend's mother. She is every woman who was ever out of your league. She's the girl next door, the prom queen, the hot teacher, the supermodel, the celebrity. She is every woman who ever did the rejecting. She used to be a lesbian, she used to be frigid, she used to be afraid of sex. She is every woman who cannot be had. Now she loves sex, she can't get enough of it; she can't get enough of sex with you. She is every woman who should appreciate you."
Ironically, men use porn to feel better about who they are. To dominate when they feel oppressed. Only the pathetic would use such a crutch and not even realize its a crutch.
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22 comments:
Call it "Raunch Culture," call it "Pornified Culture," or simply call it "The New Millennium." Whatever term you use, it is a morbidly fascinating but insidiously destructive time period.
Everything you say here is on-point. Everything you quote is on-point. This current laissez-faire, anything goes, deceptively "progressive" culture is a Frankenstein, and porn is one of its monsters. I like to consider myself far above and beyond all this pathetic crap, but it is even a temptation for me.
I think some of it certainly has to do with the way men are hard-wired. But a lot of it has to do with the incessant influence of a culture that pretends that it is advancing the cause of women..of EVERYONE...but in reality is just advancing the cause of men's sexuality, whether it is exhibited through men or through women.
Its a temptation because it is a crutch. It is a temptation in the way booze or smoking or food is for some. It--for the briefest of moments--makes you feel better. But really, it just filled you with more shit. And hence, the world with more shit.
And, I think there is only so much blaming of the "hard-wire" we should accept. We have the ability to control ourselves. Men, often, just choose not to because those actions fulfill false images of manhood. That is the irony I pointed out. The very thing they think makes them more manly actually makes them weak and pathetic. They cannot control themselves. Sad, really. If they did not bring women down into their own cesspool, I would actually feel for them.
K., I feel you've simultaniously over-complicated the concept of pornography and then terribly over-simplified your analysis of men.
Consider your comments verbatim, but imagine for a moment you were writing about "romance novels" instead of pronography.
Romance Novels are a billion dollar industry and the product is used virtually 100% by women. In the typical romance novel women are presented with the absolutely perfect romantic partner, ruggedly handsome, strong willed and daring, yet vulnerable, articulate and willing to satisify a women's every need.
Like the women protrayed in your description of pornography these men cannot possibly exist.
Now we aren't going to condemn all women because many women spend most every night wrapped up in bed with a man that cannot possibly exist in the real world, the romantic novel male hero.
To make maters much worse, the woman is such novels is also virtually impossible. Incredibly smart, strong and beautiful (yet blissfully unaware of her beauty and sexual magnetism). She can best a man at any task, yet is somehow unable to resist the attraction of a man she believes (always incorrectly) is a scoundrel.
Might I also add that some of the most arousing, sexually explicit and, dare I say it, pornographic writing can and will be found on the shelves of your neighborhood Walmart, available (and often shoved upon) pre-teen girls. Yet no boy or man will likely ever read these passages.
In summary, I feel you've comdemned both men and pornography unfairly.
In reality, the vast majority of men do not seek out pornography at all and those who occasionally do, do not do so in some secret desire to totally dominate women.
That is not to say that addiction to pornography doesn't exist; of course it does. There are people (of both sexes) who need serious, professional help. Some actually must be institutionalized.
But most men are, thankfuly, a lot like J.
I hope I've not offended you in any way. I'd like to be able to drop by again.....
Of course you have not offended me, Wizard. And you sound like a keeper if in fact you truly believe most men do not look. I quite like such naivete.
Research shows (as detailed methodically and extensively in Paul's book) that the great majority of men do look, more than look, most specifically the younger age bracket of late teen-25) as a direct result of growing up under the grasp of the world wide web. The self entitled male now has ALL at his grasp and that grasp has HIM as well.
Anyway... the most basic of points I would counter is that the comparison you bring up pales and is actually constructed in males favor as well. Porn is constructed in male favor and so is the dimestore novel.
The gender constructions of male and female are not equal. In our culture, that which is deemed "male" has value, and that which is deemed
"female" does not. Therefore, when a dimestore novel projects man as buff, chivalrous, ruggedly handsome, and strong willed, the novel is projecting him with the "best traits" our society admires. He is not looked down upon or used. A lady pines, through reading, for the best possible characteristics no matter how stereotyped those traits. Sure, I get that it is "impossible" to meet such aspirations, and in that, I feel for what might make some men vulnerable, however, society (and porn) is set up to ease his pain.
However, in porn, what are these traits in women men seek? Are they the best possible traits we can hope for in a woman? Well, to men, sure...
The constructions of women in these works go toward reiterating how much value MEN have... how strong, virile, muscular. Again, positive traits for a man.. and not all that bad for humanity.
All pornography does is reduce woman to hole. A hole to fuck.
Moreover, and I wanted to keep this brief so you would come back... we are a VISUAL culture. Sure, every thing has the ability to shape our culture, but the incessant bombardment of graphic, raw, images that porn produces... well, it has the kind of impact a dimestore novel never ever could.
Fast retort:
Dimestore Novel teaches women to find a "real man" to love them. Again, women NEED something.
Porn teaches men that women NEED something.... their dick.. as many times as they can get it.
Both hurt women. Neither peice of "pulp" really hurt men. They further the value of male as constructions.
I've not read Pamela Paul's book and I'm certain I should.
I didn't mean to imply that most men (and most women, for that matter) haven't seen material that might qualify as pornography.
And, let me reiterate, some people (and it is mostly men) become addicted or even damaged beyond repair by use of pornography.
But it is terribly oversimplified to state that "All pornography does is reduce woman to hole." That simply isn't true.
And it's doubly wrong to assert that all, or even most, men who observe or enjoy pornography do so "to dominate when they feel oppressed." That's simply not true either.
It's not that what you have said is wrong, it sometimes is true. It's just that it's a tiny aspect of pornography, a much larger and more complex issue that cannot be reduced to simply objectifying women.
Can I digress for a minute back to Romance Novels. These are most assuredly not "dimestore novels." Those are something very different.
Many romance novels are top New York Times bestsellers. And many readers consume only the hardcover editions at $30.00 a pop.
And my point was that they thoroughly objectify men in exactly the same way you (and Paul) seem to feel pornography objectifies women.
My point was that such an analysis is way to simplistic...., on both sides of the coin.
The 800 pound gorilla in the room is today's sexualization of society and not pornography at all.
The real issue in my opinion can be found in the photo shoot of Miley Cyrus in Vanity Fair. Or the absolute glorification of Jamie Lynn Spear's age 16 pregnancy. Or the rampant explosion of starlet's sexual escapades (with full videos "leaked" to the Internet), done to jump start a career.
If we are worried about the objectification of women (and I am) the real enemy is the blatant use of overt sexuality in advertising, especially aimed at teens and pre-teens.
I'm not worried about the porn on which Peter Cook squandered $3,000.00 a month (sick bastard that he obviously is).
I'm worried as hell about the images directed every day at my 8 year old grand daughter.
I expect that is major topic in Paul's book.
Wizard,
Thanks for continuing to talk about this.
Its funny... you are totally right. The problem is our sexualized culture. But ironic, you say its alllll to do with our sexualized culture and not Pornography. A large thrust (ahem) of Paul's point is that we have a sexualized or to steal her title, a "Pornified" culture because of PORN. The saturation of all these images has infiltrated our culture and it IS the reason women now shave their pubic hair, design their vagina, wear revealing clothes, learn to strip to burn calories, or learn to "make love like a porn star." The reach of Porn is far reaching.
As much as I hated "your father's porn"... PLAYBOY, this is a different age. You can see every single thing being done to a woman by about 10 guys at once in three clicks or mouse strokes. And, you can do it in "secret."
Sex in advertising is insidious as well, but you can underestimate what porn sells. It sells excitement, fantasy, self esteem, and dominance and it sells it through objectifying women.
We can talk all day long, but we will never be able to make any head way if you cannot see that Pornography is ALL about objectifying woman. She is object to stare at, oogle, masturbate to, drool over, lust after, dream of, yada yada yada. Its all object.
There are 9 million things I could say about Pornography. I chose on one day to write about one passage of her book. There are many layers to Porn and what it does to and for men and to and for women.
I was giving one angle... a very true... very prevalent angle.
You are a nice guy, so of course you would not want to see or not be able to see that so many men DO in fact use Porn as a way to feel better about whatever position or lot they find themselves in.
Read the book. It will terrify you since you have a granddaughter and because you sound like a really great guy.
You would also really dig on Ariel Levy's Female Chauvanist Pigs because she talks to the very thing you are hitting on with the sexualization of our culture. Its an amazing and short read.
And you should care about Cook. This man had EVERYTHING and he blew it all on and for Porn.
You know... I have only scratched the surface on what all I think about Porn and one thing I don't want to delve into right this minute because frankly I am more concerned about women, is how it destroys men's lives. It destroys how they view women, it destroys how they love and how they are with women.
I care enough about humanity to see we need to save men from Porn as well.
Wiz,
Not sure I have the energy to get into this very deeply at the moment, plus whenever I speak out on issues of gender discrimination, people go so overboard against me...not up to it right now, frankly. But I do have to say a couple words...
To say that K is "oversimplifying" this issue is about as short-sighted a comment as you've ever made on anyone's blog. In point of fact, YOU are oversimplifying. You aren't probing anywhere near as deeply as you need to in order to see the raw truth of this issue.
A sexualized culture is the biggest issue...that is the most accurate thing you said, and it is 100% accurate at that. But by who and what, and from where do you think our culture is influenced? To not see or accept that porn is one of, if not the most insidious cultural influencer, is utter blindness.
Perhaps you are not aware of the extent to which today's pornography reaches (or maybe I should say, the gross depths to which it delves) in the interest of "adult entertainment." In my mind, that would be the only plausible reason why you could so dismiss K's very true sentiments. Either that, or you are holding porn to too high a standard...or we just see the world completely, COMPLETELY differently.
It is easy to sit back and say that porn is not just "reducing women to a hole." And I bet it makes you feel really relaxed to so assuredly state that "most men don't look at porn to dominate."
The truth is a lot harder...a lot less comfortable. Men dominate women in ways even the men themselves oftentimes fail to fully realize.
If a man rapes a woman, is that not reducing a woman "to a hole"? Is that not "dominating when one feels repressed?" Using porn many times is very similar...it is most often much less extreme, obviously, and most women, strictly speaking, are not being physically "hurt" by the act, but said act involves a similar type of aggression. A type of aggression that, whether you realize it or not, and whether the man watching the smut knows it or not, is ALL wrapped up in domination by objectification. Why do you think men like to see the "Playboy's Women of the Ivy League" or "Women in Uniform"? Because somewhere deep down, there is a thrill in seeing smart, capable, professional, high-class women who are actively bridging the gender gap brought down to size. After all, men are seen as stronger, more dominant...and that is a cultural influence as well. For centuries, men have operated under a ridiculous fear of "losing their manhood" to the ever-advancing female. And so the plight of men is a fictitious, on-going struggle to "take back control" where it hadn't even been taken away in the first place. Porn is one way to "reclaim one's masculinity," because there is nothing more animalistic and male than fucking a woman...be it physically or vicariously. Thus, it is a power struggle...and porn is one outlet that assures that man triumphs over woman every time.
I have gone on and on. Hopefully it all makes sense. I wrote an essay regarding the plight of masculinity and posted it on Cinema Squared a while back. It goes into more detail regarding a lot of the points I've touched on here. I would be interested to see what you think.
My overall point is this: our culture is the culprit. But cultural influences run deep...deeper than we can even imagine. Porn is a part of this culture--an ever-increasing part--and it touches our society and our people in ways both subtle and overt. To say that it's not an issue, that it's not part of the problem, and that it's not an insidious agent that empowers men and denigrates women is something I cannot--will not--ever agree with.
The real beauty of your blog and your post is that it extends and broadens the discussion.
We ended up dicussing the issue as I cooked steaks on the grill tonight. This is a real credit to the thought provoking analysis you started.
I carefuly re-read all of your original post and the comments we've each posted and I feel I have nothing more to add except.....
I want to assure you both that I was certainly not dismissing or attempting to diminish K's comments, but, instead trying to amplify on them.
This is a mighty and double edged sword. A great question is "why" do women in the real world so quickly submit to the calls of fashion (or overt sexuality) in clothing or in "personal grooming" habits? We're not talking porn stars here... we're talking about your friends and mine, our children and, all too soon, our grandchildren.
What in our society makes a young woman value herself so little she falls prey to every whim of fashion designers? Why is her self image so low that she feels she must act like a porn star to keep a man?
Frankly, why the hell does she think she even needs a man in the first place if it means sacrificing her body and soul?
Does porn contribute? Of Course. Please don't think I thought differently.
A veey real question, at least for me as a "far left ultra liberal" and strong women's rights advocate is "how do we propose to deal with the issue of pornography?"
Conservatives and religious groups have the relative power of religious laws, commandments from god and moral imperatives. They work, usually unsuccessfully, to scare the hell out of little children.
In fact my little "heart of the bible belt" town has actually passed ordinances that prohibit the sale of all sexual explicit materials and maritial aid devices within city limits. Naturally I fought against this foolish and repressive ordinance. What people do in the privacy of their own bedrooms is their own right.
Right? Or am I wrong?
Generally, as liberals, we defend to the death our cherished freedoms. We fight with our very being against censorship.... all censorship.
As an ALA Member and an ACLU member I condemn book burnings, censorship and assualts on individual rights.
I am a strong defender of the privacy rights that led directly to the Supreme Court Decision in Roe v. Wade. Remember birth control itself was actually illegal before the Supreme Court found their use was protected by these privacy rights.
So how do we protect our children and how do we end (or at least control) pornography? Do we carve out an exception to personal privacy rights? Do we carve out exceptions to free speech rights?
Do we attempt to legislate morality even as we fight against the church's efforts to invade our government?
It's a tough question.
You are so right. This is very very tough.
Now that Porn has entered the web, there is no stopping it with any laws (even if I were for the laws)... it cannot be stopped...
The only real way for it to cease or for it to be tabled or reduced, is if people become aware and make conscious choices to be better human beings... to be better to themselves and others. Pornography can have no grip if we do not allow it to.
But like any drug... its difficult, for on the surface it feels very very good and it seems as if "it hurts no one else."
The very first step is for others to realize what it is and what it does. To realize we fan the flames of this blazing monster.
Now, I will go out on a limb and tell you if there was a way for this to be stopped, if there were laws I could believe would work (there are not), or those that would be fair, I would, in fact, bleeding heart and all, be for them.
And you may say, "aha, not so liberal afterall, K," but I would argue that this issue makes me more liberal and progressive. Humanity... each human being, matters to me... And there is probably no other thing which demeans and stifles women's true freedom the way Porn does.
And one last thing about your "bible belt" town...
My reasoning has NOTHING to do with religion. You may, in fact be surprised after reading my post, that I am NO prude. But to me this is a human rights issue, not a repressive, religious one.
And you are right, I am for privacy in one's bedroom, but like smoking, people's addictions are stretching out and harming others and permeating into our culture in immeasurably horrific ways.
But again, there is no way to stop the beast now... now that is has the utter freedom the freeway allows it... its all a moot point. It has to come from knowledge, and people have to make humane choices.
"....if people become aware and make conscious choices to be better human beings... to be better to themselves and others."
HERE! HERE! Well said. I couldn't possibly agree more.
Wizard, your comment, What in our society makes a young woman value herself so little she falls prey to every whim of fashion designers? Why is her self image so low that she feels she must act like a porn star to keep a man? is such a loaded question, I don't know where to start.
I'm just about to take off from work, but this string is terrific reading. I think you've all said anything I might have said. So, I'll just say thanks to K for this post. It's obvious I have a new book to read.
Thanks, Stella, but I so wanted to hear more from you. I waited for days to see what you might add.
But still... even to know you agree with some points raised warms me... often I feel so alone in this "fight."
Yes. Read it. But also Levy's.
K
I thought immediately of this discussion as I read this morning's featured news headlines on Yahoo:
Gossip Girls Racy New Promos
All apologies, K. Work has been tremendously busy. I found this poem and wanted to post it for you. There was so much I wanted to say on this wonderful thread, but you and wizard had such a fabulous exchange...
Anyway, here's a little present that I found on a blog. I posted the poem and wanted to share it with you because there's some wonderful magic about being one's self in these words.
BTW, you belong to the ALA? Do you have an MLIS? Librarians rule!
***
homage to my hips
by Lucille Clifton
these hips are big hips
they need space to
move around in.
they don't fit into little
petty places. these hips
are free hips.
they don't like to be held back.
these hips have never been enslaved.
they go where they want to go.
they do what they want to do.
these hips are mighty hips.
these hips are magic hips.
i have known them
to put a spell on a man and
spin him like a top!
Stella, My ALA membership is simply as an associate member. My wife and I joined over 25 years ago when we opened and ran a children's bookstore, which we operated for many years.
My wife and I were and still are heavily involved in the defense of libraries against people trying to censor or ban books. The ALA is the real leader in defending against censorship. Membership and financial support for the ALA is very important.
An MILS would be great. Do you think I'd have to learn the Dewey Decimal System?
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As long I'm here.... Anyone have an opinion about the move in San Francisco to legalize prostitution?
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My copy of Pamela Paul's book arrived today and I'll start reading it tonight.
Wow, Wizard... thanks for getting the book!
Please put Levy's on your list, for I think it will speak to your side of this issue even more than Paul's. However, it is my belief that Paul's will shock the you-know-what out of you!
I will try to post my response to the legalization of prostitution very soon. Thanks for the prompting.
Thanks for the poem Stella... remarkable.
Hi Wizard. Sorry for the delay. Earning an MILS has changed. The Dewey Decimal system is pretty easy to learn. You also have to learn cataloging and MARC records. There's another route, which is information studies that deals with technical classification. That was more my speed. You'd learn metadata (the web equivalent of MARC). There's also areas of technical and traditional archival studies.
I did take rare bibliography and was able to study medieval books. I had three papers that quarter and chose to write the differences between three versions of Swift's Tale of a Tub. Geek heaven.
If you want to know more, please contact Vig and I'll be glad to give you more info.
The move in San Francisco to legalize prostitution? Yes, I'm for it and hope I'm not offending our gracious host. For me, legalizing prostitution must include health care for those working in the sex industry, ensuring that sex workers are not brutalized and are punished to the full extent of the law, get better wages, have a safe work environment, and that they pay taxes like the rest of us. Legalized prostitution is better than seeing battered, brutalized, and dead women and men in the streets because of their chosen profession.
If prostitution is the oldest profession, then why not make it safe and take care of the people who are in that life? Prostitutes suffer far more working illegally than they do in Europe, where many countries legalized prostitution.
I am an unabashed advocate of legalized drugs and prostitution. I firmly believe this avenue would significantly lessen gang-related crime, which is precisely what happened after Prohibition was lifted.
Personally, I wish no one would get involved in prostitution (or porn for that matter... which is where we started...) Despite the fact I agree with every bit of K's "Pornified Culture" and her comments, I am tired of the numerous deaths of prostitutes at the hands of their pimps or vicious, misogynistic Johns. I just believe their lives would improve if legalization occurs.
In addition, I'm not sure if this action would be necessary if women made equal pay for equal work, or if 80% of single head of family households were women who make 56% of men's salaries and raise children. Our society is also misogynistic, accordingly, women still suffer inequality.
Gotta ask what the hell happened to the ERA. Sorry, K, I'm all over the place. I hope we're still friends: I've longed believed in legalized prostitution and drugs—all drugs. It's an opportunity to take better care of people.
Never apologize Stella... and, you never offend me. However, the sort end of my opinion is that legalizing prositution is wrong. Period.
To me, it would be like legalizing killing people. I know... I know... its an "OUT THERE" comparison. But to me, using a hooker slowly kills her... kills her soul. Kills our humanity in the process.
I will write more about this in its own post very soon. Sorry for the delay.
Kisses, K
Yes, K. I understand how you feel. I also sex workers cared for. It's quite a conundrum.
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